What it is.

Taste of Sanity
May 10th, 2013 by Gina Argentina

Journey to Burlesque for Minnie Peron.

I’ve been practicing a lovely thing called Burlesque, and I love it. Since February 2012 I’ve been taking classes on and off.. buying things to make costumes with and trying to perfect (it will never happen) the art of Burlesque.

I am absolutely loving it. At a time and an age that I feel more and more comfortable in my skin. I may not like where my body and my weight is at this time, but I feel comfortable if that makes sense to anyone other than me.

It’s not just about sexuality, it’s about opening up yourself – not only about how you can be perceived by others, but most importantly how you perceive yourself.

When I look in the mirror, I only see a beautiful woman surrounded by beautiful curves. There are days when I don’t feel beautiful, but mostly, I do. And I would never lie about how I feel about myself, because I only have one life and I don’t want to spend it feeling miserable about my body. I don’t even care what anyone else thinks about me, or my weight, or how I shouldn’t be wearing a bikini on the beach (I do, and I love it). I will never apologize for me, or for my body, or how much weight I am or not.

Burlesque has taught me a lot of things about myself and others. It’s not just about dancing. Women are beautiful and gorgeous and sensual… So far no guys in my class, but I’m sure they’d be the same.

I have people around me that support me so much, that I could never ever fathom giving this art form up. Even if I just have to perform in my own kitchen. I am lucky to have a partner that not only supports me, but ENCOURAGES me. Even the step-kids get to take part.. they love to help with dance moves and gluing sequins on various items.

All in all, it’s an awesome experience in which I hope goes a lot further. On May 24th, I will be performing in front of a selected audience, along with a few other girls. I am excited and also nervous, but definitely not shy or even scared. Thank you Jana Shishkin for being an amazing instructor and for not making any boundaries and for letting me be myself and encouraging differences.

 

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December 27th, 2012 by Gina Argentina

The art of gratitude, or not.

2012 was like a reflective pool of awesomeness. I learned a lot about myself and about the people around me (as well as.. the people I don’t want around me).

I learned that it’s OKAY to have expectations and if those expectations don’t follow through that it’s OKAY to be disappointed.

They always says “Expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed.” As much as I would love to believe that phrase, I can’t. I cannot accept that I should have low expectations from people. There are certain moments when you have to let it roll off your back, but I will be damned if I don’t have any expectations of anything or anyone in this world.

I mean, I have high expectations of myself, so why would I lower that for anyone else? I don’t.

I read a great article in Psychology Today (my favourite mag) and it really made me go “YES, THAT!” The Healing Gift of Non Gratitude. I wish I would have found it sooner, as it would have explained all the fluff going on in my head.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/finding-love/201212/the-healing-gift-non-gratitude

Reading that in the past week was my a-ha moment, if there ever was one.

I still cry.
I still am sad.
I still am angry.
I still am happy.
I still laugh.
I still LOVE and I still LIVE.

I trust my feelings.

And it’s okay. It’s all okay. I don’t need to be perfect. I don’t need to accept things I don’t want to. I don’t have to believe something just because you tell me so. I don’t have to have low expectations because that’s the way it should be (it shouldn’t). I don’t have to believe in anything if I don’t want to. I don’t have to do what you tell me because you think you can.

Does that make sense? In my head it does. Here’s to an eye opening 2013.

Most of all, this is my world, right here.

My world.

They saved me. They’ve made me a better person. And I, in turn, get to take care of them.

I love you Veronica, Natalie & Darcy. Without you, I would be a shell of myself. With you, I am a hard shell full of love.

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November 7th, 2012 by Gina Argentina

My Night with the Amnesia Machine

Transient Global Amnesia. It sounds like band, doesn’t it? The title came from the band My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult (kudos to anyone who knows!)

Thursday evening September 27th, it’s 6pm. Darcy arrives home from work and I’m standing in the kitchen in a slinky outfit stirring the risotto for our dinner. I have wine ready and on the table. We eat dinner and drink half a glass of wine and go to the bedroom .. This part is censored ;)

Afterwards, Darcy goes to shower, comes back and sits on the bed and says “I feel very disoriented, I have to sit down.” Then proceeds to ask me what we had for dinner and what day it was. At first I laughed, thinking he was trying to be funny, but when he kept getting up to get water because his mouth was dry, I knew something was really wrong.

Knowing Darcy how I know him, these behaviours were different. I tried to call his brother so he could recall a conversation they had the night prior, but I couldn’t get a hold of him. After him asking me several times what day it was, I promptly called 8-1-1 which is our Healthline. They referred me to the Ambulance and within 10 minutes they were in the house.

The paramedic asked me when this happened and I said “Right after we were intimate.” He said it sounded like a concussion, but we were sure that he didn’t hit his head anywhere or injure himself that evening. That I knew of….

Fast forward to the hospital. As he was in the ambulance on the way – I stayed home so that I could get myself together and drive my car to the hospital. I happened to google the term ‘amnesia after sex’. I came up with an article that exactly described what had just happened.

http://www.livescience.com/16488-sex-mind-blowing-amnesia.html

Amazing. If this was the case there would be no implications of this ever happening again and it was a temporary thing. Except, it lasted way longer than a few hours and that had me scared.

Once he was admitted they brought him back to his bed, where he would spend the night. They did a lumbar puncture, a CT scan and all the other tests you need to do in order to make sure it wasn’t a brain or head injury, or a stroke.

I knew deep down inside what it was, but I was waiting for them to come to the conclusion. The resident Neurologist (a young kid, really) had me take video on his iPhone as well.

After 2:30 am I went home to get a couple hours of sleep. Darcy couldn’t stop talking and trying to recall the date (which had me and nurse in a ton of stitches).. but I needed rest and so did he, which apparently didn’t happen for him. They even turned off the lights above him and he still wouldn’t be quiet. It was endearing, but I’m sure the staff were tired of his incessant babbling and needing to know the date.

I arrived back the hospital around 7am, when Dr. Foti the Neurlogist that was on call came for a visit. He had confirmed that he had a case of  ’Transient Global Amnesia’ and that I should keep an eye on him for the next few days. Which also meant Darcy latching onto my arm everywhere we went (we had to get groceries!)

We’re happy to have that experience behind us, as it was scary, but it was an eye opener for both of us. I kind of love him more now than I ever did before. The thought that I could have lost him tore a hole in my stomach. As of right now, as I write this he’s golfing in Palm Springs.

Thanks to all the staff at VHG, especially Emma the Nurse.

 

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September 17th, 2012 by Gina Argentina

The Level of Insanity

There are some days where I hope to find support among other ‘step mothers’ or just women that are committed to a man that has children, without that woman having children of their own (me).

It seems to be a rare thing these days (we must be going extinct!) The online forums I have looked into are all about the step moms complaining and whining about their woes – complaining about the ex-wife, complaining about her new husband, complaining about the children. Oh, and the abbreviations, don’t even get me started on how much abbreviations drive me up the wall. DH, SM, SC, SO. Just spell it out, I don’t need a glossary to be looking up terms.

It’s just like being married and having a child of your own – you’ve decided to do this. The amount of complaining baffles me.

One website I visited had this:

http://www.stepdivas.com/about/glossary.html

“DS – Dick Stain – You do the math there.”

Really, have grown women stooped to this level of name calling? Come on.

And this “WL – Window Licker – a politically incorrect term for someone a little slow – as in they lick the windows on the school bus. “

What site would I want to pay $2.50 for? Reading about women bitch about everything and everyone in their life? No thanks.

There is a difference between whining/complaining and just venting. If you’re unhappy about your life, then change it. I know that there are so many things out of your control when you’re a step mom (or not!)

I don’t have it easy either, I don’t, but I look on the bright side of things. There are many bright sides of the life that I have.

1. I have 2 amazing step children because I have an amazing partner. The kids are pretty awesome because both their Mom and Dad have raised them that way. I hope that I have had a small part in that too, but I can’t be too confident.

2. I can maintain a lifestyle that I want. Spending time with them/having a family life and also maintaining my OWN hobbies. I am never going to have my own children and it works for me. I hope I can write this without offending people, but having my own children would not fit in with the life that I want.

This never happens, funnily enough.

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July 9th, 2012 by Gina Argentina

Playing on my Self Esteem

Where were we last time? I don’t even know anymore.

However, it’s July 2012 and we’re in a different spot, aren’t we? Oh, I was burlesquing, and it has changed my view on my own body quite a bit. A lot, actually.

I recently read a few articles about self esteem and how we’re affected by comparing ourselves with others. Oh, I never do this, nope, never. Yeah right.. I will be the first to admit that my self esteem is HORRIBLE. Constantly compare myself to others and “I wish I had a…”

It’s okay to do this with your girlfriends, but we do find it a little nauseous at times. Sometimes we tell ourselves to just get over it.

Whining about it with your partner can diminish a relationship. I don’t know it first hand, but I’ve seen it. I am lucky that I am constantly praised by a man who loves me and loves my body for who and what it is.  Anytime I mention how fat I am or how fat I feel he automatically gets upset. Because he loves me and doesn’t want me to feel that way. Because I shouldn’t. If you’re constantly telling yourself how awful you look or feel, guess what? It’s going to happen.

In fact, yesterday I went to the pool in a bikini. No shorts, no tankini, no tanktop, no skirt, a BIKINI. And I didn’t feel one bit ashamed or stared at (and if someone was staring at me it was because they were admiring me, damnit!)

I’ve been wanting to write a post like this for a long time, but it’s time that we just need to get over ourselves. If you want to change, then CHANGE. If you don’t, then don’t change. If you’re stuck.. you’re stuck and it’s mostly your fault. I seem to have lost empathy not only with others, but within myself. I am sick of myself and my whining and my “I’m fat WAH!” I’m not fat, I’m curvy! I’m not where I want to be in life, but I know I’ll get there. I just need to stop complaining about it, that’s all. It’s quite an easy solution.

And that’s what I have in my brain these days. Especially since Summer is here, I think we’re more self conscious about ourselves.

This is a wonderful article for couples & self esteem.

http://voices.yahoo.com/how-boost-spouses-self-esteem-6908168.html?cat=5

 

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April 4th, 2012 by Gina Argentina

Body, Burlesque and Life Development.

I’ve recently been feeling like the cloud of great despair has lifted. Not that all are aware of this cloud, but mostly it’s in my own head.

About 6 weeks ago I started on Celexa, which I feel has helped me lift out of this fog, or whatever you want to call it. I have been a much happier and less moody person. A much happier me = a much happier boyfriend, kids, and all around greatness. I’m not saying that depending on a pill should make you happy, but for me it works, and if something works, I’m all for it. So the naysayers, can.. suck it!

Last night was my last Burlesque class until April 17th where I start the more ‘advanced’ class and I must say that the experience has been an eye opener for my personal development. Mostly, it has beengreat for my self esteem.

Being a very curvy and voluptuous woman (and dare I say somewhat overweight), I have learned that no one really cares what you look like when you’re stripped down to your skivvies. Infact, we all look at each other in amazement and awe, that holy SHIT we are all pretty much naked in front of each other and that is okay. I know that in real life, we are all in judgment of each other, but I shall ignore it from now on. Or at least try to. The girls in my class have done nothing but compliment me and each other and it’s genuine. We can all learn from that.

My ultimate goal is not to be skinny. It’s to be healthy. And if this is the body I’m going to be healthy in and I’m a size 14, well then that’s what it’s going to be and I’m going to love and embrace it. Though deep down inside I yearn to be a 10. See? Lovely psychological self esteem issues rearing it’s ugly head. I don’t think it’s wrong to want to lose weight or to be a certain way, I just can’t be someone I’m not. I am me, and that’s who I am and I LOVE WHO I AM, damnit.

Twirling pasties is not as easy as one thinks with these boulders, but I’ll get the hang of it soon.

When I’m in Vegas next week, I will prance about in my bikini and not give 2 damns about anyone else.

With that said, signing off for now.

Love,

Gina. Aka Minnie Peron.

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February 28th, 2012 by Gina Argentina

What is and what isn’t.

You know, a blog should be something that shouldn’t be controversial among friends and family. A blog should be somewhere you can put your feelings without feeling the wrath of others or how they feel.

If people just realized it isn’t about them all the time, the world would be a better place. I don’t even think my Love reads my blog most of the time. I wish he did.

I’m two weeks in on weaning off my prozac and I’m feeling; sensitive (overly), attacked (by the stupidest things), picked on, hurt, angry, sad, happy, etc. It’s not great fun and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. One can only hope that after this 2 week wean that the Celexa will be a better option for me. One can only hope.

I ‘write’ in my blog because writing before somewhere privately got me in trouble. So now it’s public and I have nothing to hide. And yet, the feeling that you’ve just written something that can be picked apart by someone is not so awesome, but again, people will make it about them and then la dee da what will you do.

It’s hard when you have to explain yourself so much to people who don’t really understand what goes on in your brain. In fact, I do not think that anyone other than myself really knows this little tidbit. Or as I say like to say.. TIDBITZ.

My therapist told me that not everything is an attack on me. Just because I FEEL like it’s an attack, it’s not. And then what?

And then nothing, I just go on with my life and try not to take anything personally (OHMYGODSOHARD) and not feel feelings (SOEASY!!!)

I am going to Burlesque class tonight where by the end of 7 weeks I will learn to give my Love a proper sexy dance. I am very excited to potentially get half naked in a room full of other women that would like to do the same. There is nothing wrong with SEX and nothing wrong with wanting to be SEXY and be naked and stuff. As I get older, I love the sexiness of being sexy and SEX.

And then I will look like Jayne Mansfield by the end of it.

 

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January 30th, 2012 by Gina Argentina

Cough Medicine Leaks in your Brain.

Oh, so you know that the kids these days, they use COUGH MEDICINE? Oh why oh why oh why do you want to feel that way?

Thursday I came home from work – I took some Nyquil. Sleepytime. I drift in and out of sleepies. It feels nice. Yes, so niiceZzzzz…

Thursday night – I take some more NyQuil. Nyquil helps you get your Zzzzz’s. Nyquil also makes you feel like THERE IS A BIG EARTHQUAKE AND YOUR BRAIN IS ON FIRE AND OH MY GOSH I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS WHERE ARE MY LEGZZZZ?? No, there wasn’t an earthquake, but there was one in Japan the next morning. COINCIDENCE? Most likely.

Friday, oh wonderful Friday I am going to drink some more Nyquil so I can sleep all day. Oh yeah, that’s when your body starts reverberating and your whole body becomes a vibrator of life. I am vibrating. I do not like this. Oh, shit, I can’t feel my legs or my arms. Do I have legs? My fingers, where are they?

Saturday: Shiiiit, I’m going to pop some Dristan to stay awake, and no more Nyquil until night time sleepy times. I get in the car to drive and I feel like it’s another body driving the car when SLAM the teenager backs into my car. All is well, I’m still alive.

Sunday: I have a cough. A loud unnerving cough that makes me projectile vomit into the toilet from coughing up 5 lungs. Look what’s in the cupboard, GENERIC REXALL BRAND COUGH EXPECTORANT! Yeah! Score! No, no score. NO NO NO. All day I felt like my brain was discombobulated. I don’t know what heroin or crack is like, but I could only imagine I had a mild case of the shakes. My whole day was an out of body experience. Was that me driving the car? Did I leave the door open while I poo’ed? Ugh, what is going ON? Why did I watch a documentary about guys obsessed with Tiffany? WHY?

Today is Monday. Monday means I drink green ginger tea and also take nin jiom, the natural stuff. I do not feel like I’m smoking crack and I can also feel my legs.

I am going to put this one down as the most awesomest weekends of my life.

 

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January 26th, 2012 by Gina Argentina

So, here we are.

A couple things.

I made a decision to put my Photography on hiatus.

1. I don’t market myself, ever. I don’t pimp myself out as hard as others.
2. Friends don’t ask for photo’s anymore, and that’s okay. I’m still here, just not so out there about it.
3. I’ve become lazy and also have found other hobbies.
4. My camera is getting REALLY old and I need new equipment. The goal is to do all of this in the next year.
5. I don’t even know that I want to do it anymore. Time changes, and I might change my mind. Who knows?

I’m still going to do ad-hoc projects if need be, but right now, I have no portfolio online. I don’t know if this is all a good thing or not. It just is.

In other news, I am alive.

ALIVE! Things are going quite well. I am on the road to paying off my debt (end of April 2012, baby!)

My job is great. I was just promoted. I am now not only the assisted to the VP of Operations, I am the office administrator, which kind of makes me a manager, but I’m working my way up. It feels good to be needed and to get the recognition. I have a lot of support from coworkers and the employees here, which makes it that much more fantastic. I’m looking forward to learning all about how to be a Manager and what not to do/what to do and all that jazz.

I’m also looking forward to my Vegas vacation in April, a potential  California trip in summer, a family vacation to who knows where in the fall, and maybe next year I will FINALLY go to Argentina. Dreams!

Also, I am completely in love with Jayne Mansfield. I want to look like a 50′s starlet all the time. That’s my goal. It’s silly, but that’s who I am. I bought a starlets book for Christmas for myself and every once in a while I like to leaf through and pick who I’m in love with that day. Lately, it’s Jayne.

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January 5th, 2012 by Gina Argentina

Stepping the Children.

One is going to be 11 in 1 day.

One is going to be 5 in 1.5 months.

I struggle. I struggle with my own intuition. How is it going to work (yes, I still ask this question)? We’re not a conventional family.

I’ve known the oldest since she was 6 and the youngest since she was 10 months old. I’ve been with Darcy for 4.5 years. We’re not married, but we may as well be (without the legal papers of course).

I struggle with the fact that I’m not perfect.

I wonder if they think I’m crazy? Why do they want to spend all this time with me? Why do they follow me around like puppy dogs? They must love me. No no no they must absolutely abhor me and it’s all a farce.

Internal dialogue is a bitch sometimes, isn’t it?

It’s just this: the kids love me. They respect me (most of the time). I discipline them as if they were my own. They have a mother, a father, and an extra parent which is hard for them. Of course it’s hard for them! How could it not be? I’m sure it’s also fun for them too. I know it’s fun for them.

But it’s not always fun for me.

My favourite part? When I come home and I see 2 children through the window, excited that I’m about to walk in the door. And then I get hugs (mostly from the youngest, since the oldest is not that affectionate!), and love. Hugs and Love and Excitement because I CAME HOME. CAN YOU TELL HOW EXCITING THAT IS? And if I’m in a bad mood, it goes away, because how can you not LOVE getting so much attention and excitement from 2 little beings?!

And through all the bad (which isn’t all that bad), there is so much good. So much love.

For us:
Yes, we struggle.
Yes, we sometimes can’t agree on how to parent.
Yes, we can’t agree on bed times.
Yes, I ask the ex-wife for advice at times.
Yes, I end up making him look like the bad guy.
Yes, I am the bad guy a lot of the time.
Yes, this is all perfectly normal and HEALTHY, right?

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