ginaargentina.com

You know, a blog should be something that shouldn’t be controversial among friends and family. A blog should be somewhere you can put your feelings without feeling the wrath of others or how they feel.

If people just realized it isn’t about them all the time, the world would be a better place. I don’t even think my Love reads my blog most of the time. I wish he did.

I’m two weeks in on weaning off my prozac and I’m feeling; sensitive (overly), attacked (by the stupidest things), picked on, hurt, angry, sad, happy, etc. It’s not great fun and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. One can only hope that after this 2 week wean that the Celexa will be a better option for me. One can only hope.

I ‘write’ in my blog because writing before somewhere privately got me in trouble. So now it’s public and I have nothing to hide. And yet, the feeling that you’ve just written something that can be picked apart by someone is not so awesome, but again, people will make it about them and then la dee da what will you do.

It’s hard when you have to explain yourself so much to people who don’t really understand what goes on in your brain. In fact, I do not think that anyone other than myself really knows this little tidbit. Or as I say like to say.. TIDBITZ.

My therapist told me that not everything is an attack on me. Just because I FEEL like it’s an attack, it’s not. And then what?

And then nothing, I just go on with my life and try not to take anything personally (OHMYGODSOHARD) and not feel feelings (SOEASY!!!)

I am going to Burlesque class tonight where by the end of 7 weeks I will learn to give my Love a proper sexy dance. I am very excited to potentially get half naked in a room full of other women that would like to do the same. There is nothing wrong with SEX and nothing wrong with wanting to be SEXY and be naked and stuff. As I get older, I love the sexiness of being sexy and SEX.

And then I will look like Jayne Mansfield by the end of it.

Recently, I’ve been going through a very cathartic time in my life.

I am freeing myself from things/people/objects/you name it – in order to make my life better.  Does that person benefit my life? Nope. Bye. Do I need to keep an agenda from 2007 that reminded me of a time that wasn’t good? Nope. Do I really need to keep things for others because I feel that they might use them? Nope. Do I really need to keep people around that hurt me/aren’t true to me/kept me around for convenience? No no no.

Not only does this have to do with physical things, it is also very emotional. I am ridding myself of bad feelings and emotions – things that are associated with pain and suffering in the past.

Objects that are associated with a past life that I have to purge myself of. Obligations that I don’t need to carry anymore.

It’s a great feeling. Doing this though has made me put other things on the back burner, but I am okay with that. I am doing all of this one by one.

 It’s given me a chance to see what and how things fit into my life and how important they are. It’s a very internal thing.

I still struggle. Every day I struggle to accept the changes I have made and to make even more changes.

Do I really need that cookie? That extra glass of wine (or 3)? Is it going to mess up my life if I miss a social event? Will this person be disappointed if I do this or not? Answer: No.

My life is good. I am at the time in my life where I have an amazing supportive partner who has been nothing but amazing to me (and his 2 children, who I treat like my own). I have an amazing source of friends and as much as I feel alone, I know I’m not.

I’m looking forward to just living.